ich freu mich schon sehr auf die brösel, die das geben wird:

ROY HEADS TO MADRID

The Fiver likes to laugh at the Newcastle United Comedy Club, but compared to Real Madrid they're an open-mic night against Dangerfield's featuring Bill Hicks, Richard Pryor and Jerry Seinfeld in their prime. And the great thing about Madrid is the comedy never stops. The next gig is due any day now as, according to a Heinz-beating variety of Fiver sources in Spain, Roy Keane will definitely move to the Bernabeu this week on an improved GBP100,000-a-week salary.

Like a poker-playing Page 3 model, Real were holding their cards close to their chest today, with club suit Antonio Garcia Ferreras insisting that Keane, 83, was only on "a list of possible signings", had "not passed a medical with Real" and that "nothing has been decided as yet." Keane's representative Michael Kennedy also insisted the speculation was "completely wrong" and that his client wouldn't be making "any decisions" until Wednesday. Which isn't much good for poor Triggs as he awaits his evening constitutional around the byroads of Cheshire.

So what will Keane find at the Bernabeu? Everything he hated at the MU Rowdies and more. A rich, self-indulgent club that hasn't won anything since 2003? Check! Out-of-touch directors, including one that reckoned "Ronaldinho is too ugly to play for Madrid" just months before he won La Liga for Barca? Check! Flavor Flav-esque watch-wearing show-pony David Beckham? Check! He'll also find a club with no manager, plenty of prima-donna infighting and a cabal of senior players (ringleader: Raul) running the show. And what will Keane make of the deification of president Florentino Perez, described as a "superior-being" by vice-president Emilio Butragueno? Rest assured, we'll soon find out.

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