john cleese widerruft die unabhängigkeit der usa. in seinem schreiben werden ua. folgende punkte angeführt:
You should stop playing American "football." There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US Rugby sevens side by 2005.
You should stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the 'World Series' for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.15% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. Instead of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls' game called "rounders," which is baseball without fancy team strip, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs.
The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling "beer" is not actually beer at all, it is lager. From November 1st only proper British Bitter will be referred to as "beer," and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as "Lager." The substances formerly known as "American Beer" will henceforth be referred to as "Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine," with the exception of the product of the American Budweiser company whose product will be referred to as "Weak Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine." This will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in the Czech Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion.
While we Americans might have taken this little joke of yours badly, we have recognized it for what it is: a cry for help. We realize that you are tired of being a third-rate little country on your own. Therefore we shall bring you into the fold as our 51st state.
There will be some changes:
An unprecedented road-building initiative shall commence immediately. Check out the interstate system in the US. You'll see why this is needed. We will probably bring in Germans to do this. Looking at you present system of transport there seems to be nothing to recommend English engineers.
Everyone will be issued with an automobile. Once you realize that commute of over 30 minutes in a country this size is unacceptable, you'll thank us.
Squads of bitter, overweight, ex-high school, and college athletes will be shipped over to instruct you on winning. In short, winning is everything. Coming in third place consistently and congratulating yourselves on being good sports is stupid. Wake up. (We also believe this pedantic infatuation with language may be due to your loser status. Giving you something to feel good about.)
You will no longer be allowed to mention the Second World War. It was the last thing you won, but it was over fifty years ago.
You will now be allowed to express your feelings when you want. If someone cuts in front of you in line - queue is a silly word and is henceforth outlawed - you are now allowed to kick his ass or shoot him. That's part of being an American: choices and handguns. You're really going to like this.
The English tradition of getting in line will probably go out of style once the stores are open twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, and actually have what you're looking for at a price you can afford. This is a lot to take in. Breath slowly and take it a little at a time.
Soccer is out the window. Let's face it, sitting around for two hours watching a bunch of guys not score points is infuriating. That's why you kill each other over it.
The Spice Girls will be executed. No discussion.
Things that will not change:
The monarchy will remain much as it is today. We think it's cute. However we will tax them. Anybody that rich can afford it.
You can keep ignoring the metric system, but maybe do it a little more proactively like the rest of the states. Let's face it. Do you really want your kids using something the French came up with?
The English accent will remain intact. We like the sound of it, even if you do use a lot of silly words.
Congratulations on your ascension to these heady heights.
tja, ich hab mir gestern kurz den super bowl gegeben. was soll ich sagen? außer den werbespots war das nur .......
aber wenn ich den vernünftigen alfred raushängen darf: es ist falsch, sich als europäer darüber zu stellen. ignorieren wir sie halt und lassen sie lustig sein, solange sie uns nicht wirklich wichtige sendezeit wegnehmen.
